fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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