my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
