Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
