Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
