I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
