tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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