life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just fell off a train. Bad.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
