She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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