Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
