ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
