i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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