quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
