I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
