my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
