babies were throwing up all over the place
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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