hotel room ftw
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
