Define "chronic" masturbator.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
as a side note pls kill me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You left your phone here
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