that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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