why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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