y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
