when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
