i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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