he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
