I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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