Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
