Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
