Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
