Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
