He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
