We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
