I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
