Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
