I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize