it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
