is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't turn off my feet"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
