Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
