they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
