Banned from zoo.
Again?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize