saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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