Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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