I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
