I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
