I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
