also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
