She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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