after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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