What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize