Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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