K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
