just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
