saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is my gift to your gina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
