just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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