you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
