I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Found your dick twin last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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