I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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