I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
