yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
