You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
