Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
