and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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