He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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