his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
