Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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