My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize