People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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