I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
