I just threw up on my dentist
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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