I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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